Megin:
The next time some form or application requires me to put down my occupation, I’m going to take a page from your book and write ‘Professional Seat Filler For Lance Bass’

Rebecca:
And by ‘Seat Filler’ you mean ‘Boyfriend’

Megin:
*giggle*

Rebecca:
My belly is all over the place; it’s mass chaos.

Rebecca’s adorable boyfriend (RAB):
It’s a veritable riot.

Rebecca:
If my belly is a riot, your penis is an uprising.

RAB:
What does that make your vagina?

Rebecca:
No idea, what?

RAB:
A coup.*

—

* this is especially funny if you know that Megin and I have used the word “coo” for vagina for about 6 months.

Megin’s husband sits across from her at the dinner table, watching her shovel mashed potatoes into her mouth with her fingers.

Megin’s husband:
looking incredulous
Are you eating mashed potatoes with your fingers!?!

Megin:
Yeah. It takes too long to pick up the fork. What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Megin’s husband:
I’m going to call your Mother!

Megin:
shocked and somewhat embarassed
Why would you do that!?!

Megin’s husband:
I think she’d like to know that her daughter has atrocious table manners.

The conversation ends and both parties resume eating. Megin, finished with the mashed potatoes on her plate, picks up the nearly empty serving bowl of mashed potatoes and begins scraping the sides with her finger.

Megin’s husband:
Where’s the phone?

Rebecca’s mom:
pointing to a large building
What is that place?

Rebecca:
reading the sign
The Southpoint Alzheimer’s Home.

Rebecca’s mom:
I bet no one’s there.

Rebecca:
Why?

Rebecca’s mom:
None of them could remember how to get home.