David:
I love the girl Rebecca
She has a nice butt
I want to do things to it

David:
HAIKU

Rebecca:
Isn’t it 575, or is it 757?

David:
Oh I thought it was 757.

Rebecca:
My butt’s as big as a 757 so it works; I love it.

David:
Woo pun!

David:
It is 575.

David:
I love Rebecca
She has a big ole booty
Put my wang in it

I need some guidance from you on a particular and solemn matter. Recent events have caused me to believe that Jesus just might be Chinese. My reasons for thinking so are these: he has very dirty knees and he just peed in my coke. We’ve all heard the age old parables:

Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees, Look at these.

[insert name]’s Chinese, he play joke, he put pee pee in my Coke.

With evidence like this, I’m sure you can understand my concern. It isn’t that I have a problem with a Chinese Savior (I have Chinese friends, after all); it’s just that a Chinaman on a cross does NOTHING for my decor. All that ghastly yellow. I’m sure you understand.

Please look into this and see what you can do.

Love,
Fatbrunettes

Megin:
My ancestors came over from Ireland because of the potato famine.

Becky:
Your ancestors caused the potato famine.

Megin:
Probably.

* * *

Megin’s Dad:
Your Mom and I are really looking forward to seeing you on Thanksgiving.

Megin:
I’m really looking forward to seeing you and Mom. And eating mashed potatoes until I’m sick. Then stuffing a bunch of mashed potatoes in my purse for the drive home.

Megin’s Dad:
Is it legal to drive with taters in your purse?

Megin:
I’m not sure about the laws in Kentucky.

Megin’s Dad:
Most likely they’ll need to be consumed before you hit the state line.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Enjoy your potatoes, mashed and otherwise.

Megin:
giving Becky a bag of mini eclairs as she’s leaving Megin’s house
Take some of these along for your diabetic Mother.

Megin:
upon realizing how mean and awful that sounded
Oh my God! I can’t believe I said that! Oh my God!
You’re going to tell your Mother I said that, aren’t you?

Becky:
Why would I do that? Then I’d have to tell her where the eclairs went.

On my bookshelf between The Kinsey Institute New Report On Sex and The A To Z Encyclopedia Of Serial Killers? The Bible, which I stole in the first place.